What "executive presence" REALLY means

"You need to build more executive presence to progress in your career."

That's what my manager told me many years ago. And when I asked what that actually meant? Blank stare. No answer.

We've all been there, right? Getting that vague feedback that feels like a polite way of saying "be more like us"... especially as women.

So I turned it into a game. I'd watch executive women, take notes, and try to understand this mysterious "presence".

Years later, I think I've figured it out. And I'm not keeping this information to myself.

1. The body language that commands respect

I used to cross my arms in meetings. Hide. Make myself small.

The leaders who command a room? They look confident:

• Make eye contact that says "I see you"
• Keep their bodies open (no crossed arms, no hunched shoulders)
• Stay calm especially under pressure

Confidence signals that you trust in your own abilities and can navigate challenges. People naturally follow confident leaders because we all have a deep need for security.

Look at how Mary Barra handled GM's massive crisis. People were furious. Lawyers everywhere. But her body language stayed calm.

That steady presence is like a silent message: "I've got this."

And honestly? We all want that person when things go sideways.

Studies also show that confident leaders encourage more creativity in their teams. Why? Because they listen to new ideas, help teams experiment, and offer more praise.

Try this: Next meeting, uncross your legs. Put your arms on the table. Take up space. Feel uncomfortable? Good. Growth happens at the edge of comfort.

2. Speak less, say more

I used to explain too much details. Start with caveats and apologies.

The real leaders? They get to the point.

Christine Lagarde doesn't start with "Well, I was thinking, and I hope you don't mind me saying, but maybe we could possibly..."

She says what needs to be said. Clearly. Directly.

No extra words.

Clear, empathetic communication helps your team tremendously. They understand the vision, receive more constructive feedback, and engage in more open dialogue when you communicate well.

When I finally started speaking like a pyramid (big point first, details later), people actually listened.

Trust me, it felt strange at first. Almost too direct. But it wasn't. It was just... clear.

3. Feel the room before leading it

Some days I'm so focused on what I'm going to say next that I completely miss what's happening around me.

Especially the unspoken tensions.

Research shows that emotional intelligence (EQ) is the strongest predictor of leadership performance - even more than technical skills or IQ.

Ursula von der Leyen doesn't miss a beat. She walks into rooms with politicians who have competing interests and somehow gets them working together.

How? She feels the room before she tries to lead it.

You need this as a leader to create a supportive and collaborative atmosphere. Without it, you'll face constant conflicts, misunderstandings, wasted time, and low team morale. Humans simply work better in harmonious communities.

I've started trying this. Sometimes it's as simple as saying "I can see this topic is causing some frustration" before jumping into solutions.

The difference is immediate. People relax when they feel seen.

4. Your uniqueness is your strength

This one confused me for a long time.

"Be yourself!" they say. But also "Have executive presence!" which often feels like "Be someone else!"

So which is it?

Here's what I've learned: Malala doesn't try to be anyone but Malala. Her power comes from her story, her convictions, her unique voice.

You need to be yourself - not a fake version - to establish trust. Trust is like oil for the machinery of leadership - it makes everything work smoothly and allows you to influence others effectively.

When I stopped trying to be a carbon copy of other leaders and started leading from my strengths?

Everything got easier.

I'm good at making complex things simple. So that's how I lead. Not by trying to be the loudest or the most charismatic.

Try this today: What are your biggest strengths? How can you lean on them when solving problems with your team? Are you great at facilitating discussions? Then run a workshop. Are you excellent at organising information? Then present a clear process. Do YOU!

Start small, grow big

There are days when I nail all four of these things.

And days when I struggle with them.

That's normal. That's human.

Start small. Pick one element. Practice it this week.

And remember – the goal isn't to become someone else. It's to become the most effective version of you.

Because that's the person your team needs.